To my warrior seeds
descendants of Xochipilli
my flower princes.
You belong to the sun, stars and moons
skies and heavens.
But I carried your spirits
in my womb
so I felt you belonged to me.
I thought of you day and night
I sang you songs while rubbing my ititl.
I told you stories of your achtontlis and cihtlis.
I consumed maiz y frijoles
arroz con gandules
horchata y platano, those ancient foods.
Because when you joined me in this life
I knew how you would grow and what you needed to survive.
To my two star spirits…
whom I share my heart and fight
it is an honor to see you explore,
pick flowers and make them into crowns,
look under stones
and earth moss for bugs
and ask questions of where we come from.
and adventurous colibris.
To know I had a part in your existence
brings me to my knees in awe.
Because I was chosen to be your nantli.
I would wrestle an ancient serpent
if it meant I could share with you my offerings
aguacates, coconut soup and your choice of sweet moles.
Would you do anything for me?
I asked, while lifting my chin
and permitting a soft curious gaze.
He told me I reminded him of a scriber
who told stories of eagles and jaguars
he called me his muse.
I want to be close to you
like a hummingbird tasting your nectar
quiero ver como tú, me dijo.
Be in your presence.
How does that make you feel? He said.
Suddenly I heard songs of quetzal birds
and the sound of a Mayan sun
and river waters flowing over washed up añil colored stones
and the dances of my foremothers casting love spells around blazing night fires
I believe now
That I have always been magic…
Artist Credit, Juana Alicia
Tired of being defined, tired of trying to define words
You can never know me as I do not know myself
I can never know you as you don’t let me
There are fragments of me floating everywhere
There are pieces of you floating where I am not
We’re missing the point, the intersections that help us understand one another
One day we will share space and one day we will catch a glimpse of what we could be
or maybe we won’t
I don’t want to be defined with words, I’m tired of trying to define words
While you worry about definition
I’ll be over here jumping from savanna to savanna spreading my wildfire
I’ll be over here fluttering amongst mariposas, hanging upside down from ancient Ceibas
I’ll be over here extending my branches throughout chain link fences
While you’re over there trying to define who I am
I’ll be over here attempting to understand who I am past the physical eye
This was writen during a poetry and politics workshop at the Youth Social Justice Forum. They gave us the first thought, I remember…
I remember when my mom would make Sunday morning breakfast. I would watch her make the masa, rolling balls of stretchy flour. I loved the smell. With her hands she would flip them from one mano a otra and place them on the hot comal. I would hover over them with anticipation as they bubbled and cooked. The aroma of cebolla y chile filled the air as I dipped my finger in the ranchera sauce that simmered on the stove next to the tortillas. Next, as usual I would sneak a spoonfool of frijoles into my mouth and jump up and down because they were so hot! My mom would yell “Nicole!” I would laugh as I darted out of the kitchen grabbing a warm finished tortilla on the way out. She doesn’t cook like that anymore. Her hands and legs are frail due to the Diabetes. Now I just wish I would have stayed in the kitchen to help.
These thoughts occupied my mind on the way to a retreat to Bjorklunden, leaving my family for a few days was scary yet embraced.
Woke up to a crescent moon, a sliver of my place in time
Optimistic for the day
Hidden among my ancestral stars who will guide me
I think of my sons, as I leave home
The drum rhythms and chants to Oshun remind me of creation
And all of its stories
I am creating my story
Protected by La Virgen, Oshun & Bastet
Protectors of women and children, I hear their calling
As I travel to the unknown, I see reflections of myself
In the sunrise of Cihuateteo
I smile, my heart is dancing
And I am moved
I smile again, because I am not afraid